I really like my students. I do. They are so well behaved compared to students I've taught elsewhere along the world-- of course they have the usual puberty-related 'issues' (random, unprovoked aggression from the boys, icy periods of bitchy hostility from the girls) but generally they are so delightfully innocent. I have to feign horror over their occassional interruptions and *gasp* today I heard a swear word. It is sometimes odd to maintain the veneer of seriousness and disappointment at their trivial missteps, but its a great deal more enjoyable than genuinely being horrified.
Their stupid questions really get me though. I was supervising an exam today, and despite the fact that there is a clock in front of them, in the corridor outside, and on half of their wrists, they still ask me how long we have left every now and then. I usually tell them when they are halfway, and one kid loves to ask how long we have left a minute before the halfway mark. Of course I understand that they are not asking the time, per se. They are asking for a little attention and reassurance. And they want to interact. Well they are alone there.
On a somewhat darker note, I have never had a student who was beaten up by the police before... apparently buying tickets for the latest futbol match is a contact sport. You hear about police violence in 'other' parts of the world, but I am still dumbfounded by realising that it can be so close to me.
A while ago I saw the police beating a guy up on the main streets of the harbour town near my house. There was a whole van of them and this one guy getting kicked and shoved. I was in a taxi and was totally mortified... and drove straight past. I don't know what on earth I could have done... but I still feel guilty and weird about that. Does it mean that the whole democratic protest state that we are so proud of actually depends upon the absence of any real environment that is protest-worthy? Not that there are not objectionable events and decisions in Australia. But a protest is supposed to be an act of defiance... that defiance is apparently fairly feeble in me, and falters when it hits real opposition.
On my way to 'language exchange' the other night there was a group of protesters in the main square. The police were there in riot gear-- gas masks and battalions.
I have seen lots of police like this... this was the first time I'd actually seen any protesters! I'm not sure what my point is. Just an observation of some of the quiet absurdity that seems to characterise my time here, I guess. Like the car driving along the wrong side of the highway last night, and the fact that I haven't worn a seatbelt in months, and the fact that I live in a house built for a family while thousands of people live in gecekondos.... it seems to go uncommented upon by the population at large.
Friday, May 9, 2008
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
flying makes me ill
I am starting to loathe aeroplanes with a passion I never thought possible. I used to say that flying was a drag, but mostly I think cause it sounded so damn cosmopolitan. This is no longer the case, and so in order to affect some sort of catharsis I will make a list of things I hate about flying and the general experience of being at and around airports.
I hate the people who jump up as soon as the plane lands. Clearly it takes SOME time to get all that 747 planey crap done, so why do people even entertain the possibility that we will be jumping off the second we land?
This frustration is seriously compounded if I am lucky enough to be in the middle or aisle seats, because then I also have to stand up and stoop in that horrible squashed bit between seat and roof while everyone around me is frantically tipping bags from overloaded compartments and bumping strangers' elbows.
I hate people who board with group A when they are not group A. You act like you didn't hear or understand the announcement. I don't BELIEVE you.
Of course I also hate the overpriced food, the seemingly endless delays, the attempts to get there in traffic or on trains and the soul destroying requests to rid myself of electrical goods, coins, shoes, bags, whatever, every few minutes. (Note: why is my passport in a different place every time I look for it?)
The people annoy me more though. Essentially I suppose I want everyone to follow my own carefully thought-out rules of 'engagement' with the airport, and yet one of my own principles of social nicety is that you never show that you are annoyed or ask someone to sit down and wait their turn. Instead I quietly seethe and, unnoticed, roll my eyes occasionally-- pretty impotent, huh?!
Just to tie this in with the whole 'Turkey' thread, I guess this is why I disagree with people who get so annoyed with the honking of horns and pushing in line that seems to be part of Turkish culture. It seems a little pathetic to proffer disdain upon those who are doing actively what the rest of us are trying to do with our dirty looks and upturned noses. Ok, I still stand around with an air of hapless superiority when students push in at the canteen. But a little part of me is learning to respect them for it, too.
I hate the people who jump up as soon as the plane lands. Clearly it takes SOME time to get all that 747 planey crap done, so why do people even entertain the possibility that we will be jumping off the second we land?
This frustration is seriously compounded if I am lucky enough to be in the middle or aisle seats, because then I also have to stand up and stoop in that horrible squashed bit between seat and roof while everyone around me is frantically tipping bags from overloaded compartments and bumping strangers' elbows.
I hate people who board with group A when they are not group A. You act like you didn't hear or understand the announcement. I don't BELIEVE you.
Of course I also hate the overpriced food, the seemingly endless delays, the attempts to get there in traffic or on trains and the soul destroying requests to rid myself of electrical goods, coins, shoes, bags, whatever, every few minutes. (Note: why is my passport in a different place every time I look for it?)
The people annoy me more though. Essentially I suppose I want everyone to follow my own carefully thought-out rules of 'engagement' with the airport, and yet one of my own principles of social nicety is that you never show that you are annoyed or ask someone to sit down and wait their turn. Instead I quietly seethe and, unnoticed, roll my eyes occasionally-- pretty impotent, huh?!
Just to tie this in with the whole 'Turkey' thread, I guess this is why I disagree with people who get so annoyed with the honking of horns and pushing in line that seems to be part of Turkish culture. It seems a little pathetic to proffer disdain upon those who are doing actively what the rest of us are trying to do with our dirty looks and upturned noses. Ok, I still stand around with an air of hapless superiority when students push in at the canteen. But a little part of me is learning to respect them for it, too.
'language exchange'
My time here is nearly over and the language is still agonisingly difficult to master in any real sense. I clearly have no personality when I speak with Turks in their language because I am reduced to banalities about what I like and am doing. So few verbs, so many thoughts. People told me I was 'çok tatlı' (very sweet). How demeaning.
I had recently decided to give up on the whole debacle. I quit lessons and spent the money on make-up, and answered every question about my language speaking ability with 'turkçe bilmiyorum'. This was the result of many a frustrating experience when the language was really needed, and I wasn't able to deliver-- frustrating, but not nearly as demoralising and embarrassing as other people's insistence on merely repeating the same words, only louder, when I couldn't understand. Of course they didn't repeat them any more slowly. In fact, I have noticed that often when people are asked to repeat themselves, but slowly, they tend to pronounce individual words or phrases with big gaps in between.... but still mutter the words themselves incredibly quickly! grrrr...
On the plus side, this has made me feel like an AWESOME teacher. It is satisfying to be able to converse with my students who have a less than perfect grasp on the language, safe in the knowledge that I am doing so in a way that makes them feel comfortable and capable. Now I realise that this is actually something that I have learnt-- and that is indeed improving over my time here.
Having come to these rather smug and insular conclusions, however, last night I did a backflip and met up with a group of strangers to speak Turkish and English. We would 'exchange' the language in order to better each others' abilities. What a great idea! And how terrifying.
My fears were realised when I discovered that my language partner was concerned with developing his English in order to present his ideas on Anime in an academic context.
I also felt like walloping him every time he corrected my use of the suffix for possession or for the direct object. I was sort of mostly aiming for remembering the verb. Again, I felt like my personality was taking the brunt of the blows everytime I made the same banal pronouncement of 'çok guzel' every time I was asked for my opinion.
A more relaxing and enjoyable experience was to be found on my doorstep (is there anything one can't find at Enka?) when I found myself on corridor 'duty' with a Turkish teacher. Meleke's English is better than my Turkish, but not by much. We struggled through a chat about our holidays, the weekend and other water-cooler type stuff. It was lovely, and reminded me that, although it can be frustrating and tedious to wait for the organic development of language, socialising, and general 'cultural integration' of Turkey, it is really satisfying when it comes through.
I'm not going to ditch 'language exchange'. It is great to talk with people outside of my world at Enka and probably has some value other than making me feel small.... but I am relieved to know that there are possibilities for this kind of thing that don't come off a website as well.
I had recently decided to give up on the whole debacle. I quit lessons and spent the money on make-up, and answered every question about my language speaking ability with 'turkçe bilmiyorum'. This was the result of many a frustrating experience when the language was really needed, and I wasn't able to deliver-- frustrating, but not nearly as demoralising and embarrassing as other people's insistence on merely repeating the same words, only louder, when I couldn't understand. Of course they didn't repeat them any more slowly. In fact, I have noticed that often when people are asked to repeat themselves, but slowly, they tend to pronounce individual words or phrases with big gaps in between.... but still mutter the words themselves incredibly quickly! grrrr...
On the plus side, this has made me feel like an AWESOME teacher. It is satisfying to be able to converse with my students who have a less than perfect grasp on the language, safe in the knowledge that I am doing so in a way that makes them feel comfortable and capable. Now I realise that this is actually something that I have learnt-- and that is indeed improving over my time here.
Having come to these rather smug and insular conclusions, however, last night I did a backflip and met up with a group of strangers to speak Turkish and English. We would 'exchange' the language in order to better each others' abilities. What a great idea! And how terrifying.
My fears were realised when I discovered that my language partner was concerned with developing his English in order to present his ideas on Anime in an academic context.
I also felt like walloping him every time he corrected my use of the suffix for possession or for the direct object. I was sort of mostly aiming for remembering the verb. Again, I felt like my personality was taking the brunt of the blows everytime I made the same banal pronouncement of 'çok guzel' every time I was asked for my opinion.
A more relaxing and enjoyable experience was to be found on my doorstep (is there anything one can't find at Enka?) when I found myself on corridor 'duty' with a Turkish teacher. Meleke's English is better than my Turkish, but not by much. We struggled through a chat about our holidays, the weekend and other water-cooler type stuff. It was lovely, and reminded me that, although it can be frustrating and tedious to wait for the organic development of language, socialising, and general 'cultural integration' of Turkey, it is really satisfying when it comes through.
I'm not going to ditch 'language exchange'. It is great to talk with people outside of my world at Enka and probably has some value other than making me feel small.... but I am relieved to know that there are possibilities for this kind of thing that don't come off a website as well.
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